care and being a faithful witness to truth
– the primary light in the darkness and,
so often, the only light.”
It was such a common occurrence
that Stewart’s veteran cameraman, Mike
Sweeny, once “sighed in exasperation:
‘Do you think you could ever get us to
a story, somewhere, anywhere where
those Christians aren’t there first!’ ”
U.K. writer Matthew Parris, born
and raised in what is now Malawi, observes: “Christians, black and white,
working in Africa do heal the sick, do
teach people to read and write. . . . Whenever we entered a territory worked by
missionaries, we had to acknowledge
that something changed in the faces
of the people we passed and spoke to:
something in their eyes, the way they approached you directly without looking
down or away.”
Although an outspoken atheist – lamenting “that salvation is part of the
package” – Parris admits that Africa
needs God and that removing “Chris-
tian evangelism from the U.K., remembers “a lot
African equation may of late night meetings in
leave the continent at the small rooms in not very
mercy of a malign fusion comfortable parts of the
of Nike, the witch doctor, city. Those who criticized
the mobile phone and the us for reaching out to the
machete.” paramilitary never real-
Cornelius, who also ized how hard it was to
grew up in Africa – Kenya, sit in a room with people
then Zimbabwe and Zam- you knew had terrorized
bia – says the Church had and killed in your neigh-
salim Munayer
to provide the social net bourhood. When Jesus
because “African governments have said love your enemy – and that it’s hard
never been able to.” to do – he knew what he was talking
Assuming the responsibility of about.”
“providing for widows and orphans” Or as Cassidy puts it, “When you
not only earned the Church the right to attempt to be a bridge between people,
speak but also the expectation it would you must prepare to get walked on.”
call governments to the carpet. “The And the work isn’t over when peace
Church in Africa is a very large organ- talks are done. Striking at the roots of
ization, and the people know that its conflict – deprivation, poverty, lack of
voice carries weight and is heard.” housing, high infant mortality rates,
But reconciliation work isn’t for the fractured communities – is the only
faint of heart. Porter, currently chair of long-term solution, says Laura Ward,
the board of the Evangelical Alliance strategic program officer for The Shar-
strangely enough, when we have been hurt, the way to pass
through to the other side of suffering is to pay attention to and
absorb how profoundly wounded we feel. This process can often
transform the legitimately distressing negative feelings we feel for
the person who hurt us into feelings of compassion and care.
Many descriptions of forgiveness would stop here, but we know
from our own experience of salvation that being made right with god
depends on our seeking his forgiveness. similarly, for reconciliation
between two people to mirror what happens in the divine transaction, the offender must go through a process that corresponds to
and interweaves with the work of the one offering forgiveness.
The wrongdoer carries a burden of responsibility. putting
down that burden involves seven elements represented by the
acronym I CaRRY: Identify, Confess, accept, Regret, Respond, Yield.
The wrongdoer must identify and name what he or she has
done wrong and then confess that to the injured parties. (if a hurt
person confronts the wrongdoer, confession usually consists of
the offender acknowledging the wrongdoing.) Confession does
not require grovelling or humiliation; it means a wrongdoer
accepts responsibility for his or her actions, even if the actions were
not intended to be hurtful. accepting the consequences of these
actions can be a truly painful task if the wrongdoer has caused
profound hurt or irreparable harm. when acceptance of responsibility is sincere, people feel intense regret, and it is regret that
enables them to respond with non-defensive compassion – really
hearing and receiving the other person’s words of anger, pain
and sadness without offering self-serving explanations, reasons
or excuses for their behaviour.
if these steps were all a repentant offender could do, that
person would be left in a desperate place – at the mercy of those
who were hurt, totally dependent on their willingness to forgive.
fortunately, a person who has caused great hurt can also yield
himself or herself to god’s grace. a life given into god’s hands is
one that god can redeem and remake.
rebuilding a relationship often depends on the giving and
seeking of fully realized forgiveness. it requires that the offender
commit to changing his or her offensive behaviour. it requires
patience, goodness, kindness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control on the part of both people involved if it is to bring about
the love, joy and peace of complete reconciliation.
Thank god, all of these are potential gifts of the holy spirit
who takes up residence in each of us when we are made right
with god through Jesus Christ. we have access to these gifts because it is god’s great desire that his grace and redeeming love
be manifest in us – and then through us so the whole world may
be reconciled to him. n
Dr. Wanda Malcolm is a registered psychologist in Toronto and co-editor
of women’s reflections on the Complexities of forgiveness (
Brunner-Routledge, 2007). She teaches at Wycliffe College and is involved in an
ongoing program of research on forgiveness at York University.
May/June2009
